1. Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
2. Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
Fran Lebowitz
3. It is impossible to love and be wise.
Francis Bacon
4. Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity.
Friedrich Nietzsche
5. Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
Fulton J. Sheen
6. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
7. Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.
Glenn Beck
8. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
9. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Helen Rowland
10. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger
11. When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you.
And she never did.
James Fineous McBride
12. Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
Jean Kerr
13. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Joan Crawford
14. It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.
Joan Rivers
15. Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
16. You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
Jonathan Carroll
17. No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
Joyce Brothers
18. If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
Katharine Hepburn
19. True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
La Rochefoucauld
20. If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.
Lily Tomlin
